Highs and Lows.

Since I last spoke to you all (or the one or two that still read this blog, as there are not many now, not according to the statistics.  Seems once Amanda's struggle with the decision on her mastectomy, then the Gerson Therapy vs Chemo saga were all over, friends lost interest.  Everyone loves a bit of drama.  Well sorry folks, there will be little bits of drama here and there but hopefully
 none worth reading about!  Ha ha!) we've Gerson-ed, visited Cornwall, and Amanda has hit a wall of 'fed up-ness'.....

The week passed by as normal.  Constant battles with drosophila, the common fruit fly, who enjoy our fresh organic wares.  They are two millimetres long, they don't make a buzzing sound, and they don't settle on sh*t, only on fruit and veg, that's their good points.  You may have noticed them circling (in straight lines) around over ripening bananas.  Well if we leave the back door open, our kitchen becomes host to a drosophila party within a matter minutes. Amanda hates them.... I don't mind them too much, if they buzzed I'd hate them!  At least 15 minutes per day are now spent swatting drosophila, their wings are capable of beating at up to 220 times per second. They fly straight sequences of movement interspersed by rapid turns called saccades. During these turns, they can rotate 90 degrees in fewer than 50 milliseconds, that's fast.... We have become faster!  I do feel bad, if only for the fact that these little fellas were used in some of the earliest recorded scientific genetic studies, in fact about 75% of known human disease genes have a recognisable match in the genome of fruit flies.  Incredible eh!

Last week I purchased some little 25ml vacuum flasks for Amanda's juices.  We were told you can't flask them.... and in the same breath, that it was the presence of warmth and oxygen that breaks down the live enzymes in the juices.  We decided if we could get our hands on small enough flasks, ones that would hold just one juice and be fill right to the top (removing all the oxygen), and stored in the freezer before we fill them, they would be perfect.  So we have three of these little flasks allowing for little jaunts here and there.  In fact, they have already had a trip to Daventry and one to Cornwall.

The weekend passed was as nigh on perfect as we can get at the moment.
We packed our bags, the juicer and all it's component parts, a cool box that can plug in and work as a fridge, filled to the brim with carrots, apples and enough greenery for Friday evening, Saturday and most of Sunday, and headed an hour and a halfs drive to junction 16 of the M5 (or M4....) outside Bristol.  Carl & Kate-Anne met us there, we dumped the Smart Car, and travelled in style in their Honda Civic R Type down to St Austell.  After an hour we stopped for a toilet break, then threw out the picnic rug and broke out the big organic salad, and veg mix, with rye bread and hummus that Amanda had made.  We dined in the blazing sun.

Two hours later we arrived in St Austell at our B&B, 'Ello my pumpkins' said Mick the B&B owner.... He was a chatty smiley man, whose teeth, or should I say generously spaced tusks, didn't do his smile the justice it deserved!  He chatted to us in his strong South West accent, with constant terms of endearment to Amanda and Kate-Anne.  Sweetheart and pumpkin were their titles throughout the weekend.  When we finally managed to get away from Mick, we ditched our bags, converted our matchbox ensuite to accommodate 'The Angel' the mini fridge and everything else we required, then headed to the Eden Project.  The Fleet Foxes were performing a gig, with The Villagers and Bees in support.  The weather was perfect, the girls went and found a spot and laid out the blanket, whilst Carl & I hit the bar.  Honey and Ginger ale and Cornish Cider were the orders of the evening.  The ladies were on fresh orange juices and water.
We sat bathed in sun, sipping, swigging, chatting then finally swaying, surrounded by sounds of the bands, which were cradled and swirled around in The Eden Projects natural auditorium.  What a cracking evening.
We rose early Saturday morning, I prepared a couple of juices whilst Amanda took her morning coffee.
I popped downstairs with Amanda's organic oats for Barbara to prepare.  Breakfast was superb.  Whilst Amanda enjoyed her organic oats with a sliced apple, I dined on fish cakes with poached eggs, and it was full english for Carl & Kate-Anne.  We popped back up to the room, to make a 4 juices, one for now, and three for the flasks.  This is a half hour job, as we have to clean up, and wash the juicer down, and leave the room spotless, so Barbara wouldn't go mental.
We decided to head to St Ives to check out the galleries, and seeing as the weather was so glorious, maybe even a spot of fishing off the rocks!  We had a beautiful day, everyone catching a little too much sun!  I managed to catch on over sized sand eel, while Carl managed to perfect his casting technique.  We were a little early on the tide to succeed, but with dinner booked for 6pm at a little organic vegan restaurant on the front at St Ives the lines had to come in..... We rock hopped our way back to the girls, who were relaxing on the sandy beach.

Spinachio's the little v.o. restaurant was lovely, quaint, with a smiley little spanish lady, serving out front.  Mr & Mrs...'Spinachio'.. worked the kitchen.  The food was tremendous!  We all thoroughly enjoyed our meals, and were reminded how creative you can actually be with vegetables, pulses and beans!  I need to learn some more.
We headed back to the B&B, shared a bottle of wine, and live juice, and chatted in the garden by the koi pond.  Smashing.
Sunday was the same start as Saturday, but this time we headed to Fowey, a beautiful Cornish town, where like all Cornish towns, the shops are full of surf clothes, pasties, cakes and general 'tat'.  We hired a little boat with a 4 horse power engine, that took us out to the mouth of the natural bay (eventually) and into the open sea, at which point we'd had our orders to turnaround.... we pottered about for an hour, the see breeze keeping us all on the edge of cool, rather than on the edge of warm.
We left Fowey at about 2pm and headed back toward Bristol.  We discovered a little non profit charity run organic vegan eatery on the outskirts of Bristol called 'Cafe Kino'.  It was like a greasy spoon cafe for vegans..... There were more dreadlocks present than normal hair, and the majority of folks walking around the area looked like they needed a good jet washing!  Put it this way, they made me feel clean, tidy and smart.... which really is saying something!  Carl felt very out of place in his Superdry shorts and immaculately clean t-shirt.  We all contemplated lying out on the pavement and rolling around in the dirt just to fit in.
The interior, as I said was like a greasy spoon cafe, school dinner tables with canvas backed chairs. The white washed brick walls displayed 'art' work, and the toilets had stickers suggesting rebellion against everything!  'Don't be a cog in the machine, be a spanner in the works!' things like that! 
The food though was truly delicious, who'd have thought all this vegan nosh would be so tasty?!  Not me for one, not Carl or Kate-Anne either!  It really is amazing.
We returned home Sunday night, and everything resumed back to the reality of Amanda's full therapy.
A big salad was prepared, juices were made etc etc.....

Monday was a bad day really.  I had a tonne of work to catch up on.  Amanda had a list of things she wanted to do.  Some involving the Penny Brohn ladies we'd met.
I tried to make juices on the hour, whilst stressing out with work.  I knocked a big dinner together, then headed back upstairs again. 
Amanda and I came to loggerheads when confusion over who was making the 4pm juice (things get out of hand when the pressures of life start getting to you).  Voices became raised, Amanda told me I made her feel like everyting I did for her sounded forced, and that she didn't think I wanted to do it.  I told her that if it wasn't for me she wouldn't even be close to following the Gerson Therapy as her understanding of time is of a parallel dimension where sixty minutes is equivalent to three hours..... blah, blah, blah.....
We chatted half an hour later.  She agreed that she had no concept of time, and I explained I love taking care of her, and I'd do anything required.  Which she knew already.  The day didn't really get any better though.  Amanda was feeling very depressed, and the fact that Robyn's university grant forms had all come back because she couldn't be arsed filling them in, meant that Amanda lost another couple of hours in her day to complete the 'about me' section of Robyn's forms.... A bit lazy, a bit inconsiderate.  It caused Amanda more stress.... and she doesn't need stress.  The fact that she feels time runs away from her everyday causes her stress.  She never gets to move anything from her 'to do list'.  She always ends up becoming distracted, or something comes up that is more urgent than the items on her to do list.  It's so hard to see her distressed.
She wanted to be alone last night, and as I tried to make things better by talking, asking questions, wanting to listen.... I made matters worse.  She said she felt like she was on the edge, that she could snap any second, that she couldn't go on living her life under the stringent rules of her cancer therapy.  It's bloody hard.  I bowed to her wishes and went back downstairs and lay on the settee, feeling sad that I couldn't do more, or say more to make her feel better.  I eventually fell asleep, shattered.

This morning  -  I offered Amanda her breakfast at 7.30am, but she is still clearly down.  She didn't want any yet, so I told her to give me a shout when she wanted fed and watered.  The more I push the more obstinate she becomes.  I have learned to back off in these situations.  The fruit is ready to juice, the oats are soaking..... I'm on the sidelines.... waiting.