Amanda's Wishes....

Over the next  few days I will post little excerpts of Amanda's musings.....
This one was regarding her wishes were for her send off.....

'If this doesn't all pan out as Mark & I hope, I've asked Mark to 'deal with my arrangements'. I have faith in his emotional strength to carry out these wishes whatever the opinions of others. We all hope our lives will be long, healthy and fruitful, but one day we will all pass on. The time for our spirit to leave our physical body remains a mystery to us all.

During October we attended Tushita. A beautiful meditation centre set amidst the foothills of the Himalayas. We were to partake in their '10 day Introduction to Buddhism course'. 10 days of near silence but for one hour set aside each afternoon to discuss what we had learned. It was a beautiful experience. Mark & I were so privileged to meet many wonderful like minded people deepening their knowledge and understanding of Buddhism philosophy.

On the sixth morning we meditated on death. Many participants wept, no doubt the
loss of their worldly presence and attachment to friends and family brought to the surface a great sense of sadness which previously they had no reason to dwell upon. Death holds no fear for me as such, though that is not the case for a painful death, or a drawn out death. One day we all die. I truly believe my spirit or energy will live on in one form or another. When worldy existence ceases to be there will be much for my spirit to explore. Mark quietly refused the death meditation, choosing to observe his breath instead. Mark isn't one for dwelling on death, he's a happy a soul, far too content for that. He adores life, it's one of the many reasons why I love him. He must prepare though, we all must.

Once our soul/spirit has departed, what of our remains, the protective shell we leave behind? On reflection we didn't care. But we both had a feeling would may happen if we did not plan. Our wonderful families would no doubt have a sense of knowing. Funeral director, mahogany coffin, organ, hymns, hearses and lots and lots of sobbing. Ridiculous amounts of money wasted on a send off, when in reality our spirits were already free.

Our wedding was small and truly beautiful. Nor did it cost a fortune, it wasn't necessary. There was more love present in our small wedding than many I have attended in the past. 'Funeral ceremonies' packed with misery for all involved, send me searching alternative ways. Of course family and friends will miss us when we're gone, it is only natural to miss those we love. I would rather have my life celebrated, knowing that it had been lived to it's fullest, than my passing mourned. It would be warming to have friends and family recall memories of how many have affected their life in a positive way. For me a funeral (or fun-eral - Mark coins a new phrase) should offer a chance for family and friends to give love and joy, to forgive shortcomings. We all wish for total love and forgiveness, what is life without love and forgiveness. We long to share the ability to love, show empathy, compassion and forgiveness for others in our own lives. We all wish for joy in our lives. This can only truly be achieved through love.

So we have decided to be our own Fun-eral Directors. This way one of us will get their 'passing on' wishes met :-) Mark joked about a sea burial. Where fish and crabs could feast upon his flesh, picking at him until only bones remained. I don't much like the thought of my physical body decaying when I die, though it matters not. For some reason the thought of worms gorging themselves upon my flesh doesn't appeal, so fire and ashes it shall be. There are many places throughout the world Mark & I love. Mark would like his ashes to be scattered at the source of his favourite fishing river. He would like the river scattering to be held during late spring, so wild bank side flowers flank his journey to the sea. I like the way my husband thinks.... most of the time :-)

I wouldn't thank anyone for an overweight mahogany box, with a sombre procession of oversized black cars. A few years ago my friend Karen and I got chatting about funerals, Karen wanted a horse drawn carriage and procession, an expensive affair indeed. We laughed together at her regal sounding plans.  I'd like simple, natural. Love and joy to abound. It's how I am now. A tree which bears fruit is surely a more appropriate way to honour my memory than a cold, lifeless headstone set amidst a sea of headstones. Maybe close friends and family could plant their very own few fruit tree in my memory.  Happy organic fruit trees! Maybe we'll have on tree planted on public land, or a wooden bench overlooking the sea, where if family and friends want to visit they can.  I believe my spirit will be all encompassing and boundless, but my 'place of rest' for those that feel they need a place to visit may remain unkempt.  A place where wild flowers can grow freely. My heart says natural is beautiful. If I am gone, there need not be a constant vigil as I will be with everyone, within their hearts and minds and around them as a gentle protective energy.

I know not when I will die, but when I do, I would rather see Mark and Robyn adorned in clothes that filled them with joy, rather than swathes of black, along with family and friends draped in darkness mourning my passing? Celebrate my life, clothe yourself in favourite materials and favourite colours.  People will be there to celebrate the release of my spirit.  I am free.

Mark & I have both decided on cardboard coffins. It may sound a little cheap, but I can assure it is not the case.  Even if it were considered cheap, it is what I want. Of course for Mark's own passing, he would happily settle for a plain brown cardboard box. Mark would be greatly disappointed if he thought thousands of pounds (even hundreds) had been spent on a burial ceremony where his remains were carried inside a grand, lavish casket with a huge plush headstone to mark where he lay.  A funeral ceremony held by a priest, vicar or spiritualist who never knew him, but spoke as if he did, to sobbing rows of family and friends. . He'd rather I had used the money 'wisely' purchasing a new mountain bike, snowboard or car, or travelled back east to discover more of my mind.

The cardboard coffins can be absolutely stunning, with prints of poppies, wild flowers or whatever you wish. Plain white coffins can be decorated by friends and family. Photographs of times gone could be attached, messages of love, scribbles or drawings. This is how ones life can be fully celebrated at a funeral. Hopefully friends will smile and reminisce at 'the good times' we shared.'

Amanda Boyd  -  January 2013 - Bangalore