Side Affects.....

Sometimes I think the medical profession simply try to sweep how severe the side effects of certain medications can be 'under the carpet', or at least totally underplay their effects.

I brought Amanda home from Noble's Hospital on Thursday morning at 11am. Since then she has been in bed, unable to move. Thursday, Friday and Saturday were spent in agony, with exacerbated pain brought on by the zolodronic acid infusion. This infusion also caused confusion, fever and nausea. She is still in bed today. Then there's the heavy pay load of pain killers, they cause oral thrush and constipation.... two things that no one wants when there is already a large all encompassing physical pain presence. It's simply miserable.

Amanda was so sore and pained on Thursday night she sobbed to me asking for

her Mum. I suggested all sorts of solutions, but only one thing would suffice. She needed her Mum. Sometimes only Mum will do. Mum's can provide security, alleviating fears with a few soothing words. Mum's can sooth with their voices and calm with a stroke, far easier than I will ever be able to do. As a husband and lover.... a man who always aims to find solutions rather than realising that at times emotions are required ahead of solutions I fall short some times. Colleen arrived within the hour, Linda her sister and support right alongside. Since Thursday 'Team Amanda' has been in operation. Colleen, Linda, Jane and of course me, stand strong and almost unwavering in my beautiful tormented wife's support crew..... The ladies have been brilliant.

I think we've all be struggling to sleep, insomnia sending me over to the secluded beaches of the west coast at ungodly hours to cast a line for bass, or to capture a sunrise on 'film'. But more than anything, just to be. Yesterday morning was 'one of those morning.' Whilst fishing my rod snapped in two, my fishing waders fell apart leaving me rather damp. Then to add insult to injury the felt sole decided to peel it's way from the bottom of the right wader boot, hanging away leaving me to walk up the beach and back to my car like something out of Monty Python. Then worst of all whilst driving back at 7am I noticed that Amanda's wooden bracelet had vanished from my wrist. I was gutted. I didn't care about the rod or the waders, or how damp and uncomfortable I was - I'd lost Amanda's bracelet, the little bit of her that I like to carry with me when I'm away from her. I'd decided to return at high water later in the day to search for it on the high water mark.

An hour or so later after chatting with Amanda and giving her a gentle cuddle (more for me than her, as she was feeling hot and bothered and wasn't really wanting any contact) I decided to take a shower. Once naked I was over the moon (not something I type very often!) to find the elasticated bracelet had manouevered it's way all the way up to my armpit almost! I was elated.

Thanks again to everyone who has sent postcards (Susie from Cornwall and Steve & Kesh from Croatia) or gifts. Thank you to Suzie (Kesh's Dad's partner) who sent Amanda a beautiful piece of her her own textile art work mounted on canvas. It's on the wall in our bedroom. She loves it, thank you so much. Thanks again to my Mum & Dad for all their support and offers of constant help. Lovely fresh organic lettuces, courgette, tomatoes and homemade organic soups regularly winging their way from Ballasalla. Thank you both very much.

Thank you to all of our friends who keep supporting Amanda sending lovely messages and positive energy her way. Thank you to Ann Large, a Reiki healer who kindly comes around three times a week out of the good of her heart. Thank you to Alex a good friend and Quantum Touch practitioner who comes around each week to help Amanda, she really benefits from your visits.

There is so much love for this beautiful woman it's overwhelming. Thank you all so much, it's lovely to know you're all thinking about her so often. Sorry, thinking about us, I keep leaving me out and many times I also receive lovely messages of support too, thank you all.

Once Amanda is up and firing on all cylinders again, basically when the side affects of the zolodronic acid infusion have passed and her upper and lower digestive system have fired up then cooled down and settled she'll be up for visitors again. Until then she will be having a massively deserved rest. Last night was akin to going 10 rounds with Mike Tyson, she was left exhausted and sore. Her Mum was a champion. I was left out in the spare room, not permitted to enter due to her feelings of embarrassment..... I wish she didn't feel that way, but at the same time I do understand. I would be more than happy to help with anything she ever needed. I could never be turned off my beautiful lady by anything. She need never feel embarrassed in my presence. But saying that she feels the same with her Mum, and she had a 24 years head start on me!

Keep sending love Amanda's way. Keep her in your thoughts, prayers or meditations.

Love to you all.

Mark.