Amanda's Thoughts - Before Kick Out - 8th March.....

One big breast lighter.... Tuesday 8th March

After what seemed to be an extraordinarily long and eventful night, filled with odd thoughts, intense pain, noisy groaning patients and unwelcome nurse visits, I felt the need to emotionally offload. I finally gave up on the possibility of sleep and reached for the net-book around 6am. One visiting nurse actually had the audacity to sneeze uncontrollably several times in my direction. To my horror, she didn't even bother to wash her hands before going on to take my blood pressure (which is rather low, but I think the norm for me – I believe,
its just an indication of how super fit and healthy I am). Being a tad OCD, I was far from happy about the whole sneezing incident and had I not been so groggy, and in need of her assistance in getting me to the loo, I'd have bloody given her what for. Grubby Mare! Believe it or not, I have the gift\ curse of being able to see germs – its true, honestly! ask Mark, he'll tell you that even after he has thoroughly cleaned the kitchen, I can still see germs and crumbs everywhere. Mmmm I wonder how this can be! Perhaps he uses a dirty tea towel or floor cloth for the job. (Keep you hair on Mark x) Anyway, I somehow managed to stifle my disgust and hold my cranky tongue. Probably because I don't want to get kicked out of the private room I have been so kindly allocated free of charge, and suffer a possible down grade to open G ward. From my observation, G patients appear rather old, very ill and a little doo-la-lee. Bless them. I have nothing against the old, the ill or the nutty and I wish them all a speedy recovery. However, I am loving the privacy. One of the G-Nutties wandered in to my room yesterday and said to Mark, “is this the police station Marcus”,well she almost got his name right, I'll give her that. God knows where the poor old dear thinks she is or what she wants to report! Grubby Sneezing Nurses that don't wash their hands I suspect.
However, big butch sneezer aside. I have to date, been treated with the utmost respect and kindness. Since the operation, I haven't been monitored or fussed over too much, which suits me just fine. As I told one nurse who apologised yesterday for neglecting me, “Don't worry, I prefer to be left alone”. I hate being fussed over, except of course by Mark. Bless him. He was here until after midnight, lovingly and patiently (outwardly anyhow) carrying out my every request. He rubbed my little, white compression socked feet for at least an hour. Poor Mark looked exhausted when I finally released him from his husbandly duties at around midnight. “One last thing” I said. “Anything Sweetheart” was his reply. So I sheepishly asked if he would mind disinfecting himself before sleeping into our bed. Sighing heavily he agreed to do so.  I wasn't convinced that he would. OCD that's me....
It's now 6pm and the last 12 hours haven't proved as emotionally smooth as the previous. The nursing staff today appear less caring and are not as gentle as those on duty yesterday. At one point my tether was so pain frayed and sleep deprived that I carried out a rebuttal that can only be likened to a Moroccan Taxi driver assault (Carl & Kate-Anne can explain) on one miserable, rather nasty nurse. Thankfully Mark was present and managed to calm the situation beautifully. However, he left pretty sharpish thereafter. I think even he is struggling to tolerate my emotional outbursts today. I'm tired, I'm in pain and I'm not best pleased about my missing tit. I've been robbed! God knows what I shall wear when I finally change out of this gown. I don't own any high necked tent smocks and that's what I'm going to need to conceal my disfigurement. Perhaps Robyn could knock me one together on our sewing machine at home. In case you' had not guessed,  I'm feeling a little sorry for myself today. Sulk Sulk Sulk.... I'm going to sign off now and try to get some sleep. As we all know, everything seems much worse when you are tired and in pain. Hopefully I'll reconnect with my strong will and sense of humour after a good sleep. Love to you all and thanks so much for you love, support and kind words.