Removing my blinkers.... a bit.....

I'm not usually one for alternative approaches, and New Age healing.  I've always thought all of this as a poor second to 'real medicine'. Amanda has a plethora of books on this type of thing.  Wise words from ancient philosophers, to more modern day gurus of natural approaches to healing.  I try not to be too blinkered, acting like science is the 'be all and end all', well I am trying!  When you watch programmes on Quantum Physics for instance, they baffle you with alternative dimensions, and this life we're all part of, being nothing more than a hologram.... and then.... I'm lost....  So to show how open minded I am, I read, 'The Secret'.  Caroline bought it for Amanda.  I picked it up
and couldn't put it down.  AH I here you say, the ole superglue trick!!!  Who'd have thought!!!  No... she hadn't smeared the cover in Loctite, I just found myself absorbed.  It prattled on about positive thinking, the law of attraction, the law of.... other stuff, I can't remember, my memory is dire, but I'm aiming to work on it, but then I keep forgetting that it needs work.  A viscious circle if ever there was one! 
Before I hit  28 (there or thereabouts) I was the most postive person you could find, honest!  Always smiling and happy, then things happen, you eventually harden up, relationships go wrong, you get cheated on, friends let you down etc, etc.  It happens to us all!  We get over it though..... life carries on.!
The year before my A levels, end of GCSE's there was a vote for a variety of 'who will do or become what'.
There was 'most likely to be a model', 'most likely to be a millionaire', 'most likely to go to prison' etc.  I was awarded the certificate for 'most likely to be happy', this was simply down to my smiley demeanour.... I loved life, and still love it now!  I so enjoyed receiving that 'award'.  Better than any trophy or certificate or other accolade that I have received since. Silly really.  Even the school thugs voted for me, always smiling through the adversity of a bully lead beating!  Ha ha! 

OK, back to this book.  Basically, it's all about positive thinking, and attracting positive things to yourself.... about believing everything is there to be had, just imagine what you want, and it can be yours.  'The universe will provide'.... Hmmmm sounds crazy, and I reckon it is, because that's my 'blinkered' point of view.  But then I keep reading, and realise that this is pretty much the way I have always led my life.  I have always thought positively, I have nearly always had good things happen to me.... I don't really have any complaints with my life.  It's good!  I'm really lucky.  I have a truly wonderful wife, we earn enough money between us to do what we want, and we are both self employed, therefore can work our own hours (even though Amanda is yet to work out how to fit a lunch break into her own day!), thus we get to enjoy the things we want to do.  I have my health, and Amanda will soon have her's back too.  Therefore I feel we are lucky.  Have we made our own luck all this time?  When bad things have happened have we attracted them to ourselves????  Nah, I very much doubt it, in fact I think that's rubbish.  Though, positive thinking can definitely aid you in becoming successful, it's simply believing in yourself, whatever is thrown at you, you bounce back due to positive thinking, in the knowledge that at some point you will eventually succeed. 
Personally I don't think you can dodge every bullet that comes your way, especially the health ones.  The ones that you apparently attract to yourself.....which again, I think is mental.  Apparently through fearing something, constantly thinking about it, you attract it to yourself.  Worry and stress does cause a hell of alot of problems, no doubt about it.  Depression causes people to throw themselves off Beachy Head, take overdoses, gas themselves in their cards, slit their wrists, blow their brains out, hang themselves erm.......... think these are all the favoured methods.... It's all a state of mind.... Who knows, a few months down the line, these suicide victims may have turned everything around.... and been able to enjoy their lives to the full again. 

Positive thinking makes us all feel great, and we all love being around happy people, look at you lot around me, flies round the proverbial sh#t!  Ha ha!  I never had a worry in the world right through my twenties, apart from Dad (and Amanda!).... but as we get older we do worry about all sorts, a natural progression I suppose.  People tell us we're getting older, that we will start to suffer aches and pains, our eyesight will fade, our hair will fall out, my balls will end up around my knees (half way there already!).... and we all take it on board, expecting it.  I'm carrying all sorts of injuries, but couldn't give a monkey's, they will get better, probably!  Though my balls have gravity to defy, and that is a massive force!

Having read this book, 'The Secret' over two evenings, I did realise I needed to go back to my positive way of thinking.... Will you all think I'm a 'Whack Job' now?  Seeing me walking around smiling, even though my wife was recently diagnosed with breast cancer?  I don't know?  But hopefully, my positivity will rub off on Amanda, give her a mental lift, thus having a knock on effect to her physical state too.... I am willing to try anything, stoop to New Age approaches, going all 'positive thinking' (not all of them, I'm not going total 'Hippy Magic Mentalness'!), and I don't mind making a twat of myself doing it.

Today Amanda went up to see the nurse to have her dressing changed, she came out upset, as she'd pointed out a lump under her pit, and the nurse checked it out, and the doctor was called in.  She confirmed there was a pea sized lump there, but she couldn't say whether it was a node, a clot of dried blood or indeed a pea!  Obviously, and understandably Amanda couldn't help but think (just for a second) the worst, but then put it out of her mind as best as she could.  When we got home, she looked at me, her eyes as wide and beautiful as they can possibly be, but also as sad as they can be.  I knew what was coming.  I stood up, and pulled her beautiful little face into my chest, securing her in my arms.  She sobbed, and said amid her tears, 'I don't want to be away from you and Robyn'..... I told her she would'nt be.  This is because I genuinely believe on Wednesday she will be getting the all clear.  I informed her, I've made a lot of future plans, and she is in them all (which was a fabrication, as I will be doing many fishing trips, which I don't envisage her accompanying me on, as she thinks it's a fairly stupid pursuit), so she's going nowhere.   

We all get scared from time to time, if we didn't I think life would be very strange indeed, almost too easy......  Stupid bullets!  Stupid tumours!