Pre op day Part 2

As we sat with the surgeon and the breast care nurse, in the tiny little room, they sat with sympathetic expressions, listening to Amanda's thoughts, questions and ideas on the alternative diets, I felt like this was all very, very real...... The surgeon, a well spoken man of indian origin informed Amanda of the actual situation with the DCITS (nasty little cells that show up as little white flecks on the mammogram). He said the biopsies that were taken showed the cells that were present, were at a cellular stage, therefore couldn't spread anywhere else. That is, the cells they gathered, not all the ones in the breast, but that was good news I thought. The bad news is how spread throughout the breast they actually were, hence why they want to perform a mastectomy as opposed to a lumpectomy. The Surgeon put his points across clearly and concisely, and may I say, empathetically too, telling Amanda all the final choices were hers, and he would do whatever she wanted (though I don't suppose he can really do that, but it was nice of him). He understood Amanda's desires to go against standard procedure, but at the same time, argued the facts that none of these other dietary changes had ever been fully proven in humans (although a clinical test started in 2005/06 in ongoing), the treatment he was offering is proven. Yes, you will suffer the lost of a breast, and a few lymph nodes in the operation, he said (apparently the area for a full mastectomy, covers part of the armpit where the lymph nodes are, hence the reason for not offering an SLN biopsy), but there is a fantastic chance that you will go on to lead a normal healthy life, once all the post treatment is finished. She mentioned that she would rather not have to go for life threatening surgery if she didn't need to, he said, 'Amanda this surgery is not life threatening, it's life saving.' He said if the calcifications (the little clusters of pre cancer cells that currently reside in my wifes right breast) turn nasty, and start to move out of their current positions and into the lymph and bloodstream, without any medical treatment, this cancer will kill you. Hard hitting stuff, but my lovely wife needed to hear that, although, of course, she already knew this. He asked what I thought, 'It's a secret' I said. No I didn't, I told him that I wanted to support Amanda fully in her decisions, and that I knew she would make the right ones, I believe the surgery isn't an option, and is a must. Afterall my wife does not want to die, she wants to live, she wants to snowboard every year, mountain bike, go out runs, paint, play etc, etc..... Everything we enjoying doing now. He put a pretty blunt perspective on it, but he is a surgeon, it's his job to fully believe in what he does, and I have no doubt having spoken with him, he only has Amanda's best interests at heart. Between the surgeon and the nurse they explained alot to us. Amanda still pushed for another ultrasound, to see if her super diet from the past week and a half, has caused the tumour to decrease in size, that 'straw grab' is tomorrow morning at 9.20am. If it was me, I'd be grabbing at every straw too, well done for being persistant babe x. Thank heavens she managed to convince him, as I was about to launch a serious attack on him, with a whimpering, 'Pleeeeeeeeeeeease, Please let her have another ultrasound, Pleeeeeeeeeeease!'. Luckily enough it didn't have to come to that. He'll never know how lucky he was! She also requested to see the Mamms again, he showed us the many little clusters of evil that lurked in the breast tissue, and the coverage involved. This time we could really see it. This made me realise, that a mastectomy may well be the only way to ensure my wife was safe. I feel it made Amanda think pretty hard too. Like I said, she will make the right decision, so I'm not fretting (what a load of bollocks, not fretting, my backside I'm not fretting, I'm fretted to the max and beyond). If only we knew what the correct decision was. What we do know is it will be a well informed decision, and that's all we can go on.
Amanda's squeamishness is a major problem with the entire ordeal, she can't look at a picture of Simon Weston without having to look away (she feels terrible about this, but that's her biological disposition, sorry Simon, I could look at you all day), when they took a blood sample today, she could barely cope, she hates it, she hates it all. It's like me and flying, I'm not squeamish in the slightest, but throw me up in an aeroplane, I'm not too comfortable at all.
Amanda wrote a bit whilst Mr Insomnia replaced me in bed last night. It was really lovely (even though I took a bit of a pasting), I've asked if I could put it on, but she is yet to decide.

Anyway, we are off to see the Royal Birmingham Ballet tonight, hopefully Amanda will experience some joy there, and hopefully her mind can be free of the anxiety provoking thoughts for a couple of hours.

Thanks again for all the text messages of support, she really does appreciate them.