Herceptin & Tamoxifen.... Cancer Wonder Drugs..... Or not? (Updated 1pm 27th July 2013)

Amanda and I read a lot about all the conventional methods of treating advanced breast cancer (and stage 1 breast cancer).  It would be lovely to discover something that's on offer that really worked, but sadly there doesn't seem to be anything.  It seems most folks either recover or they don't, regardless of whether they've been had chemotherapy or not.  The folks that survive it would probably have survived anyway lookin

The Parish Walk & Isle of Man Healers....

Hi folks, just me.
Thanks to everyone who contributed to the Parish Walk fundraiser for Hospice.  I haven't tallied everything up yet but I reckon we'll be over £1,700.00!  Nice!

Kate-Anne 906 spots a jelly sweet
on the ground.... She loves jelly sweets!

 I decided to try for Peel with my almost healed injury, but then after reaching Peel 24 minutes ahead of last year, I had myself convinced that my limp was purely imagination!  That my anterior tibialis tendon was fine and dandy..... 15 minutes later having checked through Peel rather than finishing there, I could no longer deny the presence of an inflamed tendon.  I limped on towards the next check point at Kirk Michael, which should have taken me about 90 minutes.   Instead it took 110 minutes, I was in agony.  Early retirement.
On a high note Carl & Kate-Anne (who travelled from Wales to come and see us, and have a crack at 'walking') aimed for Peel and romped in to their target destination 15 minutes after I'd passed through.



Jane (Amanda's sister) on the other hand, raced to Peel arriving at quarter past three (I got there at 4pm and was well chuffed!), then proceeded to walk on through the night, crossing the line with her partner Julie at 4.21am!!!  Awesome or what?!

They decided to walk the entire PW like this....
So they couldn't see how far they had to go!!!!!

They only just missed out on the most improved time by a mere 12 minutes.  They completed the Parish Walk in 20 hours and 20 minutes.  Insane!  Well done ladies.

This week I have witnessed so much kindness.  On Thursday evening a group of 7 island based healers got together to channel their healing energy through Amanda's tiny frame.  They arrived at 7pm and remained until almost 9pm.  These generous, kind souls gave up their time free of charge just to try and help Amanda.  That in itself exudes positive energy and emotions for me.  They performed Reiki and Quantum Touch healing.  Since Thursday, two have already returned to give Amanda further healing sessions.  Isn't it just wonderful that there are

Mid June.....

Another week has passed by.... along with the summer, which I have no doubt will return shortly!  Ever the optimist eh?  This week Amanda's pain has been better managed, though the resultant side effects to this is zzzz zzzzz..... Whoops, sorry I dozed off there!  Yes, lot's of impromptu sleeping.  It can happen any time, literally any time..... She Skyped Robyn in the week.  They were chatting for over an hour, well Rob was, as when I returned from nipping to the Pharmacy she was sat contentedly in front of the laptop nodding off.  Thank heavens for Skype eh?  At least Rob could see why there were long drawn out silences.  Normally these silences are when Amanda is really mulling over her

Incredible TT Races Weather....

Here on the Isle of Man summer can be measured in hours rather than months, but last week we were lucky enough to experience a week long spell of simply stunning weather.  Amanda managed to get out the back each day and enjoy the sunshine.  Whilst I sneaked down the road to watch the biggest and best motorcycle road race in the world, the Isle of Man TT Races, Jane and Amanda relaxed in the scorching sun.

150mph with stone walls to break their fall!

My shutter speed was 1/4000th of a second to  get
these three shots of this riders racing line... Madness!

Every hour or so I'd return and end up covering another piece of Amanda's sun blushed anatomy with a silk scarf to save her burning.  At one point she looked like a 'scarf stall' at an Indian market.

I mentioned last week about a home made card and 'frivolous cheque' Amanda received from a friend in Banbury.  I ommitted to mention she's also received a beautiful hand knitted scarf/snood/buff from Susie in Adderbury along with a beautiful card, plus a delicious delivery of Manx raw, organic chocolate from Lucy in Banbury hand made by a lady here on the Isle of Man.  Of course whilst we were in the hospice my Mum kept a constant stream of fresh flowers and various organic food stuffs coming in to liven up the room.  Amanda's Mum and Aunty provided a river of various types of clothing and healthy snacks too.  Everyone has been so lovely and generous.

This last week Amanda's discomfort has

Getting out and about....

It's great that Amanda is now getting out and about more.  We've been down to my folks, down to her folks and caught a sunset down at Bradda Head.
She is still suffering a lot of pain/discomfort, which makes her life very difficult, and is excessively tired most days.  Knocking out a  few hours of extra z's most afternoons.

The Protocel supplement is taken four times daily to aid Amanda's healing.  It has cured ( read Outsmart Your Cancer, it's not just for folks with cancer!)  many people of cancer since the 80's, when it was given free in the US by it's creators.  Then all the usual things happened with US Food & Drug Administration lot like all the other

Home....

Our lives have blended with a modicum of normality now we're home.  Amanda is still in pain, but she's dealing with it.  She takes less breakthrough medication at home than she did at hospice.  Here she can go lie down and be with herself until it subsides.  There is no one to push painkillers her way, she makes the decisions, I just help.  Her once very dexterous aren't working for her due to the root nerve compression in the cervical spine (the neck), this is very frustrating for her.  Plus of course the intense pain down the arms, but she is coping.  All the prayers for healing along with all the positive messages and thoughts from friends and family do help.  They are at times so touching that they bring tears to my eyes.

One such message was from Amanda's uncle who lives in Scarborough.  He posted this touching message on FB after chatting with

Leaving Hospice for Home Sweet Home....

In the end I think the doctors realised the only way they were getting shut of Amanda and I was by providing all the medication we felt was necessary to make home life possible.  This meant, most importantly that we had a 'breakthrough' drug.  Something that if the pain gets totally out of control, we can rely on.  The only thing that worked was a controlled drug (not normally permitted in the community) that had to be administered via a syringe, normally only carried out by a medical professional.... Not me for instance.  I pestered them to allow us to have the breakthrough at home, assuring them I was confident enough to

The Isle of Man Hospice

When we flew back from Clatterbridge (Liverpool) Cancer Centre to the IOM Hospice, the nurses welcomed us back 'Nice to see you again.... Welcome back'.... Lovely welcomes to a place you'd rather not be.  Due to the type of pain Amanda is suffering, managing it is a serious problem.  I have incredible toothache at present, had it a few weeks, but it's just about becoming unbearable at night.  The entire jaw bone aches and throbs.  Anyone who has ever suffered tooth ache or a

Travels cut short....

Long time no hear, I feel you all saying.... Well we've had a lot on our plates.
Travels were cut short due to Amanda suffering an increasing bout of back pain as we travelled our way around India.  When debilitation finally kicked in she decided it was time to head to Bangalore for scans.  After a series of blood, urine and body scans (MRI and PET) over the space of two days, the conclusion was we needed to get home.  The scans showed

Follow Amanda & I around India, Sri-Lanka & Nepal....

on a journey of peace, self discovery and healing...... Plus lots of crazy adventures I hope too!

www.wherearetheboyds.blogspot.com

Come join us for the journey and become a follower.

Charity Auction & Quiz Night - Going, Going, Gone!

We would like to say a big thank you to all who attended, donated and supported our Charity Auction on Friday 13th July.  It certainly wasn't unlucky for Penny Brohn.  The total raised on the night from the auction, quiz and raffle came in at around £1,800!  Awesome!  This plus the £730 raised through the Parish Walk gives us a grand total of £2,530 to donate to Penny Brohn Cancer Care.  Thanks again!
Mark & Amanda
xxx

Thank you so much for all your support especially (Jane, Andy, Titch and Amanda once her heels had turned into fully covered blisters).  Your sponsorship money will be greatly appreciated by the Penny Brohn Centre.

How far did we go?

Did either of us make it?

Amanda walked all the way to the parish of Jurby, 45 miles at storming pace over 12 hours of walking.  We were cold and very wet by 8pm, and Amanda's feet had well and truly given up the ghost.  

One of Amanda's Heel Based Hydration Packs.
Pierce & Suck....  

The pain was excruciating and she was also worrying about slowing me down.  There were time stipulations at every parish, where you clicked in electronically.

I decided to plough on, Titch heading home now as Jane and Andy with the new addition on Amanda were there to offer full support through the night.

I didn't know how far my legs and mind would be willing to carry me.

My right and left ankles were in terrible pain and my left knee seized up each time I stopped to water the hedgerows, not that they needed much as it rained from about 12pm until 3am ish... I think!  Each time I stopped to pee, I would literally hobble like Long John Silver for 3 minutes until the ligaments loosened on the outside of the knee.  Things weren't looking great.

I also allowed myself to get cold, shivering and talking drunken gibberish.  A quick change into my Under Armour thermal layer and snowboarding hat saw my temperature revert to normal, in fact toasty at times.

As I entered the Parish of Bride a beautiful barn owl silently wafted across the road and into the field, seeing such beauty lifted my spirits for a few minutes.   

As the remaining walkers were enclosed in the wet gloom the parishes drifted by more and more slowly.  My time advantage of one and half hours earlier in the evening diminishing with each check point.  I was now chasing each church, having to push harder and harder, each time thinking I may miss the check, but with a final 5 minute push making it by 2 or 3 minutes each time.

My crew kept chatting to me, feeding me little flapjacks which I'd made the day before, along with banana chunks and baked potatoes.  I swigged soup at roadside tables where locals were still  out supporting everyone even during the early hours.  I couldn't believe there were still people out!

I kept asking was I last, my crew kept telling me 'nooooo, you're not last', Amanda hopping out of the van at various intervals, squelching behind me in her socks (she couldn't get her trainers back on due to the blisters) with words of encouragement.  She was great.

The final parishes were killers, at times my mood fell so low I sobbed with pain, my feet slowed and I felt I had nothing left.....

The sky began to brighten as daybreak took kicked in.  I lost various walking companions I'd picked up along the way during the hours of darkness, leaving them behind on the up-hills (which were my strength), no  doubt they caught up on the down hills.  As I reached Laxey my ebb was low, but I was now only about 2 miles from Lonan parish, the penultimate church.  I was running twenty minutes late, the darkness, gloom and continuous dampness sapping my energy, will and strength.  This is where your support crew kick in (thanks again guys).

I powered as hard as I could up the steep hill towards Lonan parish church, knowing I'd just walked 78.5 miles and had only 6.5 to go to complete the entire Parish Walk.  Would they let me continue with me being 20 minutes late.  

I pleaded as the woman told me I was outside the deadline and I'd have to hand in my electronic timer.  I pleaded more telling the male official (a previous winner) that I could still do.  She told me I couldn't make it as I had an hour and a half to complete the final 6.5 miles.  I said I could make it, give me a chance.

He then said, 'OK let's just do what we meant to in this position.  You can carry on, but if you fail to make it in under 24 hours you will not receive a finishers certificate.'  Everyone was elated.  

I now had to walk at an average pace of 4.33mph.  That doesn't sound much, but when your ankles are swollen to fook and you've been awake for over 24 hours.... 4.33 is a fast pace too, believe me!  I put my head down knowing what I had to do.  An hour and a half of intense ankle and knee wrecking pain.  

2 miles in I didn't think I could maintain the pace, at times I was walking at 5mph!  Text messages started to flow through, and Amanda passed them on to me as the support van drove past each time.  Titch came back in at 7.15am, it was great to see him.  I had two painfully steep downhills and uphills before the final stretch along the Promenade.  As I ploughed my way the main road in to Onchan, a truck driver passing in the opposite direction gave me a big thumbs up, little things like that didn't half boost me.  Everyone is rooting for you, not just your crew, family and friends, it really is beautiful.

As I staggered slightly out of control down the steep hill to Onchan Parish Church, the old official form the previous Lonan Parish was there to meet me.  He was amazed to see me arriving with a couple of minutes to spare.  He congratulated me informing me he didn't expect me to make here and that now completing the Parish Walk within the 24 hours was now very possible.

My brother-in-law walked down the steep hill to meeting me half way as I forced myself up the  incline with everything I had, 'You've been walking at over 5mph, it's 2 miles from here to the finish line, you're going to do it!'.  I arrived back up on the main road, Amanda was so excited I had 30 minutes to complete the final two miles..... I even believed it was possible now.  The pain in my ankles was becoming unbearable, but I powered on.  Hitting the promenade my old PE teacher (who used to compete in various UK iron man contests, a super fit fella now well into his fifties, but looking about 43) came cycling towards me on his racer, 'Come on Boyda!  What an achievement, I can't believe it.' He said.  'You are the fastest person along this promenade in 3 hours!  You're going to make it!'.  He was so excited, it was lovely to see him.  My brother who was being driven along the promenade by his wife shouted 'Come on you stubborn b&$*ard.'  That may have seemed harsh, but he was right, and that's what had me coming along the promenade with 15 minutes to complete the final mile.

It was a wonderful feeling to have the support of everyone around you.  The cheers as I crossed the line, the emotion that filled the air.  Even Titch & Andy shed a hidden tear!  It was overwhelming.  

I completed the Parish Walk in 23 hours 56 minutes and 1 second...... The final finisher to complete the walk in the allotted time.  

Looking in less pain than I was letting on!

Another lady finished 10 minutes after me, which was absolutely awesome too, as she was packing in at Maughold at around 3am!

Wonderful Amanda holds me up.... She was awesome!!!

This was the interview immediately afterwards, they've edited out all my awesome humour!  ( I wonder why?) http://www.manxradio.com/newsread.aspx?id=60285

On getting back to Jane and Andy's I was really hobbling, my ankles, particularly my right ankle was incredibly painful.  It's being iced and elevated as I email!

My calves were in bits, and I'm still hobbling around like a crippled 80 years old!

I had a 10 minute bath to soothe the legs, then decided to shower off the soap.  Unfortunately I blacked out in the shower, collapsing in an eye rolling head apparently.  Screams from Amanda alerted Jane (and the neighbours no doubt).  When I came round I was in a tangled mess on legs and genitals as Amanda trickled cool water over my face and neck which was lovely.  

The next three hours were spent sleeping.

Amanda's heel based water balloons have been popped and dressed, so she is feeling better.  She is being an awesome nurse to me too!

I was hoping not to let anyone down who sponsored us to raise funds for the Penny Brohn Cancer Centre  -  Job done I reckon!

27th June 2012

This morning when I woke my left ankle didn't creak, neither did my right one, though in the last hour it's started again. Unfortunately they were both as painful as they were yesterday.... I'm elevated (just my ankles, not my mind) and resting....

Today I've decided to crawl and scooch (like a worm ridden dog) keeping the weight off them to see if they'll fix themselves quicker!

At the presentation do last night held at the Villa Marina I shuffled (unable to bend my ankles) on and off the stage extraordinarily slowly to collect my finishers trophy. Embarrassing to say the least. The audience had to clap twice to allow me to make it from the right hand side of the stage to the left. Dear oh dear oh dear!

Thanks again to you all.

Weather Outlook for The Parish Walk.....

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear...... 
With the Parish Walk tomorrow and the weather looking like this:

Comments:
Strong winds. Heavy rain.A dry start then rain at times - heavy later. 

SW backing S 20-25 veering NW 15-20 on Sunday morning.


Visibility:
Moderate or good occasionally poor in rain.

I don't think either of us will be looking forward to trudging day and night around the Isle of Man.... Today 40mm of rain in forecast, and I think 20mm must have fallen already, it's hammering!
Thanks again to all those that have sponsored us.... I think we are really going to earn the sponsor money this time!

Anyone still wanting to show their support for myself and Amanda's fundraising attempt for the Penny Brohn Cancer Centre, you can sponsor us online at https://www.justgiving.com/boydsparishwalk

Good luck to everyone doing the Catherine House Walk in Banbury too! Hope your weather is better! xxx

Mark & Amanda

The Parish Walk - It's Close!

Thank you so much to those that have sponsored us.  The Penny Brohn Cancer Care Centre is such a worthy cause.  The kindness you have all shown will spur us both on in the Parish Walk this coming Saturday.

Training in TT Week..... Lots of bikes!

We've been doing six to eight mile walks every other day.  Peppered with 10 mile walks. 

The two long walks, a 22 mile and a 25 mile walk left us feeling pretty tired and painful..... So whatever we manage on Saturday is going to leave us in bits no doubt!

Blisters are the ruination of every walker.  Many of the entrants like to load up on painkillers for the final few hours, but we intend to stay painkiller free.  If the pain is too much, it's time to stop.  The pain will have to be pretty intense to make me stop.... Especially with one of my fishing buddies (Cam) sponsoring me £1 per mile.  He told me if I make it past Rushen Parish (20 miles), he will 'clip' me in his van to halt my progress along with the ever increasing hole in his wallet!  Ha ha!

The weather isn't looking too sharp at the moment, with a fair bit of rain forecast.... plus a stiff 20 mph west to south west wind.  Lovely!

Wish us luck!

The Parish Walk - 85 miles of walking hell over 24 hours!

During a lull in conversation a little over three weeks ago (it doesn't happen often!) Amanda came out with a rather unexpected question, 'Shall we do the Parish Walk?'. I laughed, sighed then said no. Why would anyone bother to try and walk around the Parishes of the Isle of Man in under 24 hours? It's eighty bloody five miles for goodness sake. Needless to say the next day I was out walking 6 miles, then again every other day since, with a couple of longer walks thrown in to see if our legs and feet have it in them to take on such a challenge.

Each year 1,600 or so people partake in the 85 mile madness, most of whom, if their feet don't fall apart too early, retire after 32.5 miles on entering Peel, a cracking feat in itself. Another 10% of starters decide to battle against their own mind, fight off the will to stop placing one foot in front of another at Peel and fall back in a comfortable pub chair to fill up on golden Manx ale and then get the bus home for a good night sleep. This 10% push themselves to the limits, their feet riddled with blisters and their minds packed with sleepless delirium, all in an effort to complete what is known as The Parish Walk. Good luck to that load of nutters I say! Amanda intends to walk as far as her feet will carry her, Peel being her main target. I on the other hand

We are Travelling South East Asia for 4 Months! Here's The Blog Address...

http://tracktheboyds.blogspot.com/

To the Penny Brohn and back.... to the Penny Brohn and back....

Amanda enjoyed her Shiatsu massage and meditation at the Penny Brohn Centre yesterday, then went on to enjoy a long bath later that evening, with a massage from yours truly before putting on a guided meditation, which would normally lead to a wonderful sleep..... Well so you'd have thought. But Amanda suffered a pretty sleepless night. A mind busy with all sorts, from visiting the Penny Brohn for the 2 day session today, to our SE Asia journey planning no doubt.

She was originally going to get the train and bus to Bristol, which would have taken an hour and a half all in all, along with a bit of faffing around between train bus and bus change. This no doubt caused her further anxiety. I picked up on her uneasiness and decided to drive her there. It's only a 50 (38 miles) minute drive... and a 50 minute drive back for me.... with a bridge toll of £6.00 which is slightly unfair! Ha ha!

Well I dropped my lovely lady off at 3pm, so I could avoid the rush hour on the way back to Cardiff. A quick trip to the petrol station enroute and I pulled up outside the house at 4.20pm. I reached for the front door key in the little box by the gear stick.... no, not there.... I checked the shelf on the dashboard.... no... not there either.... A pang of concern hit me as I called Amanda's mobile, 'you wouldn't have the front door key per chance?'.....'Oh no, I hope not.... Oh.... I'm soooo sorry, I have'. Great.... another hour and half drive I thought, and another £15 with petrol and the bridge toll, but what can you do. These things happen. I said my goodbyes, deciding that I'd try and contact Carl's brother Alex to see if he or his Dad had a spare key for the house before I decided to drive back to Bristol. As I shut the car door whilst saying goodbye to Amanda, then looking at the iPhone to see if I had Alex's number, a horrible feeling hit me as the car door shut. I felt all my pockets.... NOOOOOOO! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! It was, there was my car key jutting out from beneath a bag on the passengers seat.... locked in. From bad to worse in a matter of seconds. I called Amanda, she said she'd get the bus and train back down to me, I told her no, and that I'd sort it somehow. I headed down to the nearest pub, grabbed a mulled wine and sat down hoping to warm up quickly. Armed with only a jumper (no coat) in 5 degrees with cold sleet starting to come down I was not prepared for the Winter outdoors, warmth was indeed a luxury. I checked for Alex's number. No luck. I went online and emailed him. Once that was done I decided to call a mechanic friend in Banbury to see if he had any idea how I could get into the car. He suggested a small wedge of wood hammered into the gap between the passengers side door and frame, then reach in with a coat hanger to try and open the car...... I headed back toward the house, quickly warmed by the mulled wine and cosy interior of the pub. I then remembered I had an AutoAid Breakdown plan which I'd never used. I called them up, and they said they'd have someone out to me. I knocked at our neighbours house Anne Marie, explaining what had happened, she brought me in to warm up and wait for the AutoAid guy to arrive. During that time Alex called, he didn't have a key but was hopeful his Dad probably would, he would call him. I sipped the hot tea that Anne Marie had kindly made me and chatted with d her and her husband John, who'd arrived home from work. The AutoAid man arrived about half an hour later, and had my car open about two minutes later..... soooo easy it was frightening. It literally took him about 20 seconds. A rubber wedge was..... well.... wedged down the window rubber, then a long metal rod was slid down the gap. He then lifted the lock from within the door. Tremendous. Remind me to never leave anything of any value whatsoever in my car ever again! Ha ha!

Whilst I sorted out the paperwork Alex called to inform me of the bad news that their Dad didn't have a spare key.... DOH! My car is drinking oil for fun at the moment, a quick text to tell Amanda I'd be there just after 7pm, and that I was going to top up the Clio with 'car drink' before I began the return journey to lubricate her pipes. She texted back that Ruth said I was more than welcome to join them all for the evening meal if I liked, and even stay on for the night if I liked. Very kind!

Well I finally arrived home at 8.30pm, not a bad drive at this time in the evening, and as a bonus, I dined on a delicious curry whilst there. A four hour delay in getting home..... It could have been a lot worse.... Though during that first minute of 'Amanda do you have the house key' then 'Oh God the car keys!' I didn't think it could! Ha ha!

Poor Amanda felt so bad, but she needn't have, it was just one of those things.... well two of those things acutally! Ha ha!

Cardiff, Salsa and Surgery.

I know, I know..... The posts have become less frequent. You may think I'm slacking.... You may be right, but with so much planning for our trip to South East Asia along with all the work that must be tied up before we head off, there is soooo much to be done! Sorry folks.

Here I am updating the blog from my usual spot, on the first floor of the Penny Brohn Cancer Centre in Bristol. Amanda is here to have her Shiatsu Massage, then partake in a mediation later, which I may also participate in, if I get everything sorted before 12pm (I've just been informed it's a full house, no room at the inn.... ah well.)

Amanda and I have been in Cardiff for heading on for 3 weeks now, no one told us it was one of the wettest places on the planet! Ha ha! I think we have just hit it at a bad time. Here I am living a couple of miles from the fantastic river Taff, yet it has been too high to fish! Tumbling chocolate brown torrents are currently piling their way down stream. Yesterday hail storms combined with thunder and lightning were the order of the day! Gorgeous!  Today?  It's just hammering down.

Amanda has been doing lots of travel planning, the applications for our Vietnam Visas were sent off yesterday, so things are actually starting to happen. Amanda's newish diet is a little more relaxed now, in preparation for travelling, allowing the odd 'out for a meal' treat. Her options are vegetarian or fish dishes. She picks food that won't have dairy in it, so no creamy sauces or anything like that. She's also had the very odd glass of wine or champagne whilst at friends houses, though she is not making a habit of it. Even on 'The Food Hospital' on Channel 4 last night, an oncologist from the Bedfordshire Hospital stated that any positives from the reservatrol found in red wine is outweighed by the fact that it contains alcohol. He went on to say that even one alcoholic beverage a day is harmful as far as cancer goes.  Two friends of ours in Banbury, Pete & Tracey recently gave up boozing, fed up of suffering two to three day hangovers. They were at a gathering on Saturday night, orange juicing it all night long. Lovely to see. But like us, the first question they were always asked was why? You must have an answer prepared for the UK's alcohol adoring masses! Ha ha! It's hard for us all to get a grasp of why anyone would stop enjoying the inebriating benefits of alcohol, isn't it?!!! Ha ha! It's only when someone suffers from a directly related health issue that most folk decide to actually cut down. Yes cut down, very rarely give it up! It's amazing isn't it. Booze has a powerful hold over the majority of Great Britain!

The Bedfordshire Oncologist also has his cancer patients on 'Cancer Diets'. Broccoli, Turmeric, Tomatoes and tonnes of other fruit and veg..... many of the foods you'd have read about here many months ago. Things are changing! Even on the 10 o'clock news last week, it was stated that if people made lifestyle changes with regards to their diet alone, between 40% & 50% of cancers would never happen. That's a hell of a lot of cancer!

There is still no mention of depression and anxiety suppressing the immune system in the huge media circles as yet, but it will come. Probably another 10 more years down the line and we'll start hearing rumblings about peace of mind and the massive benefits of meditation.

Whilst lay in bed the night before last, just looking in to one anothers eyes, I'd suggested doing 'the eyes' for 5 whole minutes, not a staring contest or anything, just looking and loving. About 1 minute into the session  my beautiful wife burst into tears and sobbed. She wouldn't tell me why, she didn't want to talk about it. It was incredibly sad to see. I just snuggled her into my chest and stroked her until we started dropping off to sleep. Shortly after that I no doubt started to twitch and kick like a dreaming dog, pulling, pushing and poking her!

Last night we put on a Learn to Salsa DVD. It was great fun, apart from me getting grumpy about not being able to follow the steps. Freestyling, that's more my style! I've got the loose hips, but I do seem to struggle when following the hip swaying maestro's on screen performance! We have the basic steps down now, I just have to look at my feet the entire time, whilst permanently expressing of deep strained level of concentration all over my face..... In another week we'll be Salsa-ing with the best of 'em!

When we went to bed Amanda asked me was I going to make her cry again tonight, and giggled.

She then opened up about why she'd become so upset.

It's all to do with her operation. She doesn't like me to look at her anymore (how could I not, she is adorable, sexy and beautiful  -  except her angry face). How ever beautiful I think she still is, it remains in her mind that she must now be repulsive to me. She feels like she's some sort of physical freak, which is so so sad. I think she is as beautiful as she ever was. I'd love to see her comfortable again in her own skin. Within 10 minutes I thought it only fitting to physically demonstrate how sexy and beautiful she still is! Way haaaay! From deep and sensitive one minute to sexual innuendos the next. Sorry folks. 

I do think it worked a little bit, I'll have to keep trying this method to test it's long term efficiency as a form of treatment - I know I know, but someone has to do it!  Ha ha!  Maybe I can come at it from a different angle..... How rude! Ha ha! 

Amanda would consider surgery if.... well, if it didn't mean surgery really. She'd like to 'even herself up' as she puts it. She feels a bit wonky. But let me tell you, she still looks awesome! Surgery is certainly not required for my benefit, but if it made Amanda feel better in herself, less self conscious and more self loving again, well it may be something she looks further down the line.

Speak soon xxx

Long Time No Chat....

Another fortnight has whizzed by.  We've been working and trying to sort out the logistics of our move to Cardiff then the Isle of Man.  We had a house sale last Sunday, and took about £300 for our efforts.  We shifted lots of bits and bobs, but still seem to have.... well.... lots of bits and bobs.  All the pieces of furniture we wanted to sell did sell, apart from a lovely little mahogany table.  That's now going to Stu & Holly's (if that's ok guys)!  Ha ha!  We loaded Stu's car up

What's been happening?

Busy, busy, busy my friends.
Amanda has decided that after over 6 months of full on Gerson Therapy is enough is enough.  She has eased the regime down to include a few fresh organic juices each day, as and when she wants them.  This plus an organic, vegan diet, with no processed white sugar, salt or flour.  This may sound like a bind to the majority of you, but to us it's wonderful..... Freeeeeeedom (said in a loud Scottish accent like Mel Gibson when he portrayed William Wallace in Braveheart, what a brilliant film!)
She has chosen to carry on taking

10 Days on The Rock

The Rock, as I affectionately now know my birth place, the Isle of Man was, for the last 10 days our home once again.  On the right you can see a typical days weather for the island.  Amanda had me standing on those steps in the distance with my fishing rod!!!  Whilst I told her to hurry up, she was telling me to wait, as she didn't know how to work my camera.  Wait!!!???  Look at it!

An extremely stress filled 190 mile drive

The Journey

Soooo sorry.... I've took soooo long to update, 10 days.... It's simply not good enough. I know.

I suppose the mini heatwave we have, and still are experiencing has had something to do with it. Twenty six to twenty seven degrees Celsius at the end of September is simply balmy! It's been wonderful. That aside, Amanda has still been suffering much anxiety, confusion and sadness. There is joy in amongst it, but she just feels she has so much to do.

Amanda and her sister attended another one of Brandon Bays 'Journey Seminars' last weekend, but this time as 'process assistants', partnering up with those attempting their first process. Helping people come to terms with deep emotional problems, problems that have been

Somethings Gotta Give!

Last week Amanda was suffering emotionally, feeling really down in the dumps. She was depressed and still is.  Ground Hog Day, where everyday is exactly the same as the one before, was becoming too much for my little lady. No juices, no enemas, no Gerson she said..... That's what was happening on Tuesday..... She was totally 100% fed up, and very upset. I tried to take the helm, but

A fortnight slides by.......

Wow, and sorry.
Where did the time go?  We spent a week on the Isle of Man seeing our families.  I managed to get some superb surfing and fishing in, the inclement autumnal weather lending itself better to the surfing!  It was fantastic to escape the world for a few hours.  Bobbing around on the sea, wetsuited up, as it's bloody cold.  Just waiting for next swell to push it's way from the deep water up into the shallows, creating a beautiful wave to be ridden by it's luck captor,  it really was a joy.  Being out on the waves with three

Fired and Re-hired, Then Fired Again..... The life of an amateur juicer.

I week has gone by.... and yet again I've not had the chance to go into details about the coffee enemas, so now seems as good a time as any doesn't it? But then the week has gone by too, and I want to tell you how Amanda is. So once again this is going to have to wait for a few days, I will get there though, I promise.

Wendy thanks for your kind comments and observations, it's lovely to hear from friends on the blog.

Amanda is amazing, she has incredible strength of body and mind, I'm only a helper..... Which does take the pressure off a bit some days, but other days

Retreat into Stillness....

Hi dedicated followers.... all 42 of you, whom I can no longer see as there has been some problem with our BlogSpot followers tab, but I know you're out there, and thank you for that.
Amanda had a lovely week at the Penny Brohn Centre.  She was able to spend time alone, without me in tow, bothering her, constantly mythering her, talking incesantly, poking and prodding.  They had only one day where silence fell upon the group.  Amanda apparently spent most of the silent lunch

All is good!

We've had a great week.
According to our GP, Amanda's blood tests have shown improvements for her liver function, and everything is looking fine and dandy blood wise.
The Gerson Practitioner also seems happy with the results.  All in all great news.
Sadly this changes nothing!  Ha ha!  Amanda is still on her restricted regime, and the juicing ploughs on regardless. Amanda is sticking to Gerson's Therapy where she can, unless of course we are away on a weekend, or as she is this week, at Penny Brohn.  She still dines on organic goodness, but

In the Summer time when the weather is fine!

I don't have an awful lot to report this week folks.

We've done as normal.... as you know already.... The weather has been very hot, the Swiss Chard and Lettuce garden silently screamed for refreshment, swayingly aggitadedly in the 25 degrees breeze. Their prayers were later answered, when yesterday an entire morning of the wet stuff deluged their leaves and roots.

Today, as I sit here quietly typing on my little organic grocery stall, the temperature is slowly roasting me - note I didn't say burning - that's past stupid, increasing your risk of skin cancer by leaps and bounds, no one should risk getting burned these days, though no one

My Wonderful Friday Off..... Not this week!

Well where I said I love Friday's I'd like to take it back.  It is currently the worst day of the week.
The juicing, the soup (including a visit to stupid Tescos to pick up organic celery and leeks to make the soup) work and the arrival of the organic fruit and veg.... I delivered boxes to the outskirts of Banbury this morning too, with the promise

Another week.....

Sitting on the stall is always a good time to update you all with Amanda's progress, and what's been happening during the week.

We were at The Penny Brohn Cancer Care Centre on Wednesday, not much to tell this time. It was a short visit. Amanda had her Shiatsu Massage at 9.30am, then a guided group meditation before lunch. It was nice to see her painting still on the wall in the art room, they obviously appreciated it and found the message thoughtful...'Trust in you heart it will show you the way'. There was more, but my memory is rubbish.... Argh! Where am I!!? At lunch time Amanda invited a lady who'd been on the group meditation to sit join us at our little table for two. The lady had suffered bowel cancer a little over 5 years ago. She felt

Journeys and Nandos....mmmmm.... Nandos.

Last Wednesday Amanda had a trip to London arranged - I use the word 'arranged' in it's loosest context.
She was meant to be leaving around 12pm, heading to a hotel to meet with a lady she met on one of The Journey seminars a few weeks ago.
By 10.30am there was still no hotel booked, and she required two nights, as on the Thursday she was attending a session that included varying holistic therapies, combined with

AMANDA, JUST LET ME DO IT!

So after a very tempestuous week of high lows, tears and joy.... mainly tears, we've reached the end of the week. I am sitting on the organic grocery stall, the sunshine peeping through the dense cloud cover that over the past couple of days has provided our organic veg garden with much needed water. Things could be a lot worse. Neighbours kids charge up

Highs and Lows.

Since I last spoke to you all (or the one or two that still read this blog, as there are not many now, not according to the statistics.  Seems once Amanda's struggle with the decision on her mastectomy, then the Gerson Therapy vs Chemo saga were all over, friends lost interest.  Everyone loves a bit of drama.  Well sorry folks, there will be little bits of drama here and there but hopefully

The Journey Manifestation Gig & Penny Brohn Cancer Centre

Well hello folks.
Last weekend Jane (Amanda's sister) came over from the Isle of Man to attend one of Brandon Bay's (The lady that started 'The Journey', an emotional self help programme) UK seminars, with Amanda.  This one was called 'Manifest Abundance'.  It's always great when Jane comes over, because for the few hours she is here, either on the way to a seminar or on the way back to the airport, she makes herself incredibly useful.  She takes over the juicing so Amanda and I can

Pharmaceuticals Conglomerates, Medicines and Financial Markets.

Watched a very interesting documentary a couple of nights ago.  It was based around foods, vitamins and natural compounds used in treating and curing illnesses.  It illustrated that in America and the UK through misdiagnosis, allergic reactions to drugs with dire consequences and long term effects of prescriptions months or years down the line, along with hospital super bugs,  pharmaceutical companies (pharma's) hospitals and the medical profession are right up there with the top boys for leading causes of death in the US!  Bloody Nora, where does

Amanda plays catch up.....

Hi Folks. Well it's been quite some time since I read Mark's blog and even longer since I posted on it.   I must say that as always, I enjoyed catching up on his thoughts, funnies and rantings...  However, if I'm honest, which I always aim to be - even more so recently after learning of the 'important psychological and physical benefits of honest,

Anxiety.....

Well hello....
Long time no speak.  Last week we were on the Isle of Man for my brother's wedding.  I was playing best man, good God it was nerve racking, but it went well, and the speech was appreciated by most..... some may have found it a little offensive in places, but surely that's what a best mans' speech is all about!
Amanda spent time with her Mum, and even went to see her Dad, which is a strained relationship to say the least.  Less said, the better I think.  I caught lovely

Bad-to-eat-icides & The Proob.

This week in addition to work, organic fruit n veg and Gerson Therapy, we have been reading 'Anti-cancer A New Way of Life.'  Again, another eye opener, cementing everything and more that I've already mentioned previously on nutrition and emotions.  The studies in this particular book are much more recent, plus lots of new discoveries nutritionally.  I don't want to turn this blog in to a 'How to Avoid Cancer' or 'How to Cure Cancer', there are plenty of books

The Moonwalk, The Grand Total & Wholesale Organic Veg.

Well Amanda & Kesha completed the Moonwalk in under three hours!  Get in ladies, and get in to everyone else who participated (Sandra & Cheryl of course) to raise money for 'Uniting Against Breast Cancer'.  Thanks to everyone who supported the Charity Auction & Quiz, and everyone else that sponsored the Amanda & Kesha.  Do you want to know what we all raised?  Of course you do.  From the initial meagre target of £250, which was constantly being upped

Healing, Cranio Sacral Therapy and Wholesale Organic Veg.....

Good evening everyone.
I trust you are all well.  Amanda has left me home alone. She and the girls have headed to watch Mama Mia tonight in London, then on the Saturday, well, a quick 13 mile walk through Hyde Park, starting at 9pm.  The Moonwalk, the event that you all so generously supported is taking place.  I am still yet to tally up the monies fully.  I will do this over the weekend, promise!
Amanda went to 'work' at the salon on Monday, and completed 3 hours waving her hands

The week gone by - May 7th.

This week, you'll be surprised to know, we've had our head's in the books again.  We've enjoyed more beautiful weather, and the lettuce leaves are starting to show in the veg patch.  Amanda, whilst snuggled into my chest, shed a few tears of fear and anxiety, which anyone who has experienced what she has or any other form of life threatening illness will understand.  She also feels restricted by the therapy regime.  She is strong, but everyone has to release their emotions, clear the pipes as such.  Gerson Therapy is well under way, not always 13 juices but near enough 9 to13 daily.  Sometimes

How is she?

When ever I bump into our friends or Amanda's salon clients, I get this question.... Sometimes with an added 'Good days and bad days?' or something along those lines before I've even had a chance to answer. It's funny really, people expect certain things of someone who has been diagnosed with cancer. For starters we all have an image of someone with cancer. We expect them to have no hair,

Penny Brohn..... and Travellers.

On Tuesday I hit Tescos at 6.30am, it was lovely.  Only staff to get in my way, which seems to happen more in Tescos than any other supermarket in town.  After 10 minutes of fruiting and veg-ing, and swift drive home, I started Amanda's juicing regime at 7am.
I decided to do the full whack of juices for her, I was aiming for 13. By the end of the day she had swigged 12 fresh veg juices, no sorry, it was 11, as she didn't make her own one at 7pm whilst I was playing footy.  It's alot, and doing that much juicing is bloody time consuming to say the least.... for every 3-4 juices,

The Easter Weekend.

The Easter weekend is almost at an end. The weather has yet again been dazzlingly beautiful for everyone to enjoy. This is the main downside to Mr Gerson's plan. Yes Amanda and I can enjoy our wonderful garden, and the sprouting shoots that are beginning to establish themselves in fairly neat rows, some a little closer to one another than they should be, but Amanda likes them to be cosy as they grown, but we can't just jump in the car and bugger off somewhere, like we used to. This is an inconvenience for us both. We both like to head off at the drop of a hat, this is the main reason

Penny Brohn - Part II

Amanda's hatred (which wasn't hatred in fact) dispersed quickly in the gentle atmosphere of The Penny Brohn Centre.  She said she didn't want me to project my feelings of anxiety (work related) upon her, as she was already dealing with as much as she could cope with, which was understandable.  I didn't mean too, I was just airing my work related concerns.  I wasn't really thinking.  Anyways,

Penny Brohn Centre & The Journey Seminar

Amanda and Jane arrived back on Monday night after their 'Journey Experience'. They returned full of stories. They told me of other peoples Journey's, their fights against cancer and other illnesses, through various forms of meditation (mind and body healing). Out of the 150 or so folks at the seminar,

This Week & The Quiz & Auction!

It's been another week of learning, really swatting up on nutrition.  Refreshing, renewing and updating my old Biology knowledge..... University was many, many moons ago!
Amanda's pains are subsiding, though her blood pressure has been low.  She is managing to

Auction List for tonight!

Sorry I've been rubbish this week

rushed off my feet, will update tomorrow morning!

PRIZES TO BE AUCTIONED

DONATED BY: DESCRIPTION: VALUE

Adele Wilson Try Scuba Diving (for 2) £50.00

Susie Cut & Style £38.50

Ellen Readin Cut & Colour £80.00

Ellie Auld Cut & Colour £90.00

Kelly Moriarty Glass Bead Jewellery £10.00

Sarah Nunn Charity Bear – Names provided Can raise

Holly National Trust Hamper and Books £100.00

National Trust Tickets £50.00

Suzie's Client Signed Schumacher Baseball Cap £45.00

From 2011 GP

Suzie's Client Home Shell Therapy £35.00

Donna Meredith Fairy Princess Party Box for 10 £40.00

Disney Princess Party Box for 10 £40.00

Martin/Em Home Produce (once a month for yr) £45.00

Drennan Team England Jacket £35.00

Nicky Gough Will & Last Testament Service £200.00

Able & Cole Organic Produce Voucher £17.50

Riverford Organic Produce Voucher £15.00

Ryan Men’s Bench Watch £30.00

Woman’s Morgan Watch £20.00

Leather Purse £5.00

Ryan Avon Toiletries £30.00

Breakfast Hamper £20.00

Esther Staples Professional Homemade Designer Cake 175.00

Helena Borthwick Hypnotherapy Session £50.00

Mark Fishing Session £50.00

Clattercote Fishing 7 day passes ticket £35.00

Karen Mckay Fancy Dress Voucher to the value of £25.00

Perfect Presents Small Picture Frame £10.00

Kesha True Nails Pedicure & Manicure £30.00

K T Lu's Sequin & Diamonte Clutch Bag £10.00

Caroline Dixon MOT at Vauxhall Banbury £49.95

Full Service Boyle's Motors M.C. £160.00

Chistian Dior ladies presc specs £150.00

Signed Doctor Who Pillow Case £ Memorabilia

Tour of F1 Factory at Silverstone for 6 £100.00

Rear Wing from F1 Spyker (2007) £Memorabilia

Autographed Fisichella Print £Memorabilia

Pampered Chef Capacinno Cups £17.50

Lee McCallum Dinner for two at The Black Boy £50.00

Gerson Practitioner & Penny Brohn Centre.

Our birthday weekend went by beautifully, the weather held up, I dug a new veg patch, and sifted the soil to the consistency of the finest enama coffee granules.  Our birthday Saturday was lovely, with a trip to Oxford's Comedy Club, a fun night indeed.  Sunday was a drive up to Melton Mowbray to meet with Stephen Gamble, the Gerson Practitioner, his wife Melanie and his cat.  We arrived at the house at 9.50am for the 10am kick off.  We pulled up tight behind the Suzuki Swift on

Beautiful warm sunshine.....

This rather balmy April weather makes everything wonderful.  Every decision is bathed in glorious vitamin D filled sunshine, simply superb.  Over the past few days Amanda has busied herself with further reading, about the Gerson Therapy, and the majority of cooking. She has been doing her exercises regularly, trying to get her arm back to normal.  Me? I've been up to my eyeballs this week with work, food shopping, juicing dishwashing.
Super healthy alfresco dining has been the order of the week, anything you can do indoors is so much better if it can be enjoyed outdoors. 
The new Angel Juicer is amaaaaaaaaaaazing,  (though it does struggle with the wings, halos and flowing hair!).  It manages to grind every last drop of juice from any vegetable we throw in it's masticating path.  It also looks rather fantastic, which is a bonus.  It's also much easier to clean than the centrifugal fruit juicers which when you are cleaning it between eight and ten times a day is a real another massive bonus.  The main problem I've encountered with this particular juicer, is the fact that it does actually require cleaning! 

I did forget to mention on Wednesday's post, about the chemotherapy meeting, that the version they offered Amanda was called FEC.  Now, my Mum's side of the family is irish, and anyone who has ever watched 'Father Ted' or indeed been to Southern Ireland, will have heard this terminology on a fairly regular basis.  It's a little irish substitute for the very similar sounding f#$k.  It is commonly used due to it's more pleasing  and acceptable sound to the ears.  After Dr Levitt, had sat there, saying FEC this, FEC that, for a good solid two minutes, even though this was an extremely serious conversation, my sides were at the point of splitting.  My breathing had to become so shallow, to control the impending explosion of laughter, I had the choice of fainting or roaring with laughter.  It was so  inappropriate, but I couldn't get it out of my head. FEC this FEC that, FEC OFF!!! Your about to make me p*ss myself laughing, how embarrassing will this be.  When she finished up with FEC-T (FEC with a twist), an image of a cancer rapping stereotypical street hood appeared in my head, he looked toughed, but rapped about chemo.... weird, and in my mind this didn't help stave off the laughter.
When Doc Levitt finished FEC'ing, I commented on the name of treatment, to assist in diffusing the intesity of what was building up inside.  She did giggle, and commented on the poor choice of letter configuration for this treatment.  I then informed her that the previous two minutes were verging on the unbearably for me, it felt better to get it out there and be honest.  Aaaaaaah, what a relief.  Dr Levitt by now, must have wondered what she'd come up against.  'Alternative Amanda' and 'Dark Mark'. 
Amanda had already FEC'ed the idea of chemotherapy off, and instead of FEC-T she was having organic green t.  This is how she rolls!
Dr Levitt has also put us in touch with one of her previous patients, she contacted us by email yesterday, we will be chatting with her next week.  She sounds like another wonderful lady.

Tomorrow is the meeting with 'The Gerson Practitioner', he has a cat and a wife.  Bye x
PS.  He lives in Melton Mowbray, I thought this was comedically ironic too.....

The Oncologist Meeting....

While outdoor temperatures soared to 21 degrees celcius, we sat in the outpatient's conservatory, slowly baking like King Edwards potatoes.  Our appointment with Dr Levitt was for 3pm... it was now 3.45pm.  It's never a great way to start a meeting.  When we entered her room, almost 50 minutes late,

Back a couple of days.... Then Meeting with Surgeon....

Well we arrived back during the early hours of Saturday morning, my Sat Nav having guided me incorrectly around a detour on the M6 closure between junctions 15 and 14, meant an extra 40 minutes were added on to Amanda's sleep time, and my drive time. 
As we sleepily undressed in bedroom at 3.45am, we heard drunken, overly loud voices at the front door.  Robyn had arrived home with a friend, after a heavy night of boozing and dancing.  Amanda was less than happy. 
We rose at 10am.  Saturday morning was spent cleaning and scouring the kitchen.  Saturday night was spent

Back to Banbury....

Tonight we allow ourselves to be tossed around on the Irish Sea in force 7 to 8 winds, oh what joy!
The past few days have been great.  Surrounded by our families, who have all offered great support for Amanda, and indeed myself. 
Amanda has taken advantage of the last few days, spending as much time with her Mum and sisters as possible.  Even though she does need her own space, I know she also feels

Extended Stay.....

Yesterday Amanda decided she'd like to stay on the IOM for a few more days, so we have extended our trip until Friday night.  She can spend more time with her Mum and sisters, and this is what she wants at the moment. 
Yesterday we found a quiet spot to sit a couple of hours ahead of sunset, at one of the southerly points on the Island, called The Sound.  A very beautiful spot, where seals frolic in the icy waters of the Irish Sea, and gull calls constantly fill the air.  The sky was blue, and the sun was bright.  It was wonderful.
Amanda wanted me to partake in

Back to the Rock....

Sorry for being lax the last few days. 
We made a late decision to head to the Isle of Man on Thursday night/Friday morning, immediately after we got thrashed in our semi final.  I was accompanied by James Vincent McMorrow's gentle dulcet tones, tremendous (cheers Carl!).  Amanda had the passengers seat laid back and slept, I listened to McMorrow on repeat for 3 full hours.  Amanda woke up for a short period,

The Results.

Good news. We weren't involved in a major car accident on the way to the hospital, the birds were singing the bees were humming, the sun was blazing. Simply lovely.

We arrived at the hospital, Amanda had her pea sized lump checked. Sally suggested it was just part of the scar tissue, but Dehalvi could take a look next week, just to set her mind at ease.

I made Amanda a cup of green tea, and myself a strong black tea with a splash of milk, and half a teaspoon of sugar. We went into the little side room,

The Weekend....

It was beautiful, birds were singing, bees were humming and butterflies were fluttering (thanks for organising all that Gaz).  It was simply wonderful.  Amanda decided it was time I started sorting out the garden (she would have loved to help, but is simply not up to it) for our organic veg plot.  Amanda got down and dirty with some deep meditation.
She told me she was going to clear her chakras, I questioned was clearing her chakras in the garden not going to leave a bit of a mess, she assured me

Removing my blinkers.... a bit.....

I'm not usually one for alternative approaches, and New Age healing.  I've always thought all of this as a poor second to 'real medicine'. Amanda has a plethora of books on this type of thing.  Wise words from ancient philosophers, to more modern day gurus of natural approaches to healing.  I try not to be too blinkered, acting like science is the 'be all and end all', well I am trying!  When you watch programmes on Quantum Physics for instance, they baffle you with alternative dimensions, and this life we're all part of, being nothing more than a hologram.... and then.... I'm lost....  So to show how open minded I am, I read, 'The Secret'.  Caroline bought it for Amanda.  I picked it up

Up, Downs and Wounds-a-Daisy!

You will no doubt have seen Amanda is suffering from ups and downs, as anyone would expect.  The pain is the number one factor, with the reliance on me to help being number two, the breastless area comes in at number two aswell I reckon.  Amanda was in a great mood Tuesday, until she actually got out of bed (not sleeping, doing stuff, typing, reading, researching etc), and went to find something to wear, she realised her wardrobe was not awash with mono-boob attire, even the simplest of clothing wouldn't sit how she wanted it too, they were either too low at the neck, or.... something else...

Amanda's thoughts on Monday 14th - The Day Before The Good Day....

THIS MORNING IS OFFICIALY SHITE...
As I make that statement the strong sensible positive voice in my head sighs... 'Oh how bloody melancholy and dramatic!' - and quite frankly its dead right. However, this realisation does not change the fact that today I feel like absolute utter crap.

What a difference a day can make, or for that matter, an hour, a minute, a thought or a comment.  So much can change so quickly and often it is

Monday.....

The last couple of days have been very difficult, the main factors being, breast cancer, exhaustion due to lack of sleep and finally Amanda's period.  Amanda has been even more frustrated than ever, furious that the arm, pit and chest are still so painful.  Even the nurse commented on how unusually heavily bruised it was,

Sunday March 13th....

Football on a Saturday has been my 'blow out', my 'release' from everything that has happened to my wonderful wife over the past three weeks.  Usually I tend to daydream alot, even when playing football, guarding the goals, whilst the ball is at the other end of the pitch, 'Oh, look a buzzard'..... General observations of the world around me.  I love the natural world, it's incredible.  But last week, and this week's matches have seen me incredibly focused, or as focused as I tend to get.  This is because I have only had two things in my mind,

Amanda Says...“UP YOU GET - WE NEED THAT BED!"

Another incredibly long sleepless night ensures that exhaustion oozes from my every pore.  If only exhaustion alone could beat cancer, then I'd have this fight in the bag already.  In order to take on and defeat this evil villain, I need to richly nourish both my body and mind with lashing of fabulously healthy food and peaceful sleep.  I'm working really hard to fill my body and mind with only natural goodness and ideally, I don't want to put any poisons in – prescribed, or otherwise.   However, drained beyond comprehension and low in mood, I feel I have little choice and make a mental note that tonight,

11th March....

This morning I woke with a slight head ache and grogginess, I thought nothing of it until I looked down at my chest, to see nail and teeth marks around  my right nipple.... Hmmmmmm.  Lucy's duct tape idea may well prove to be my best option.... for now!
Amanda is still very sad about the entire event,

Amanda says.... 'DAYS BEHIND MY EMOTIONS - TUESDAY BLUES......'

I don't work Monday's, so Tuesday is the day that I occasionally experience what is commonly referred to as the Monday Blues. A low pressure that often follows a weekend high - usually brought about by a reluctance to return to a ridged work routine after two days of lovely fun filled freedom. Thankfully, I enjoy my job and so Monday (or Tuesday in my case) blues aren’t that much of an issue for me. Today however - I'm loathing Tuesday,

Home at last.....

After being evicted from the private room at 11am, we waited in 'the day room' conservatory for Amanda's pain relief medication, and additional medication to be taken before the pain relief medication, to hinder the pain relief medication from causing pain in Amanda's tummy,(confused yet?) allowing the pain relief medication to do it's proper job on 'the wound'.  Amanda was tired, I was hungry and thirsty, and having been denied tea, by the 'tea lady' (I've demoted her from 'tea nurse') I ninja'd my way into the kitchen and made a fresh cuppa for myself, whilst pilfering the NHS's supply of ginger nuts and shortbread biscuits..... That'll teach 'em! I offered an old dear whom I was chatting with whilst I was helping myself, "would you like a top up", she laughed and said she was fine. She then pointed out where the biscuits were stashed! A woman after my own heart! 
Three hours later, Sally the breast cancer nurse turned up.  She ran through wound care, and problems that could possibly occur over the next few days, such as serenoma.  This is swelling caused by fluid build up, it can occur after the drain is removed.  The wound needs redressing every two or three days, by the doctor, and then by the middle of next week, it needs to see daylight.  I fear Amanda dreads this day!
We headed to the salon on the way home for Amanda to have her hair washed.  She felt a lot better for it too.  We got home, and Amanda started to miss her boob.  The softy (A fake breast, well not really a fake breast, a little cushion that impersonates a breast under clothing)., was not having the desired effect.  For starters it wasn't physically attached to her, secondly it was a slightly different size to her 'natural boob', and thirdly it was far perkier! (Only joking love).  She was missing her body part, and told the nurse she felt as though she'd been robbed.  She had been, but not only had they taken a piece of my wife’s lovely body, they also removed a deathly poison that had decided to make it's home there, and no doubt an extension would have been planned in the near future, and this was a risk that the doctors weren't willing to take.

4pm.
Amanda is very down this afternoon, it pains me to see her sad, and me doing the normal joking around or making stupid comments won't ease the sadness, so I don't.  I just make sure I'm there for her.....

8pm
A few days ago I mentioned I'd give up my nipples for her, today she has talked about that a lot, even mentioning it in conversation with one of her friends.... I'm sleeping on my front for a few months..... She can have them, of course, but when it came to those more intimate times, it could be a little strange.  I don't need to go any further, I think you can use your imaginations (NOOOOOO!!!!).   It was good to hear Amanda giggle this evening whilst conversing online with Kate-Anne. Good job KA!

9pm
She is in pain, poor love, and just said 'I want my breast back'.....this is no doubt, a quite normal outburst from a lady that's just had a breast removed.... It makes complete sense - I'm so happy to have her home.
Better get back to the foot rubbing, or she'll be taking a blade to my man nips!
Thanks for the music (Carl & Kate-Anne) the books, (Lucy) (Matt), the flowers (Friends) and all the support and love you are all giving, it's awesome.... Truly awesome, thanks so much for everything.
Ow!  Ok, time for me to stroke!  Night night....
PS. Hopefully Amanda will have a full nights sleep tonight, she is very, very tired.  She has hardly slept in over a fortnight, which is mental!

Amanda's Thoughts - Before Kick Out - 8th March.....

One big breast lighter.... Tuesday 8th March

After what seemed to be an extraordinarily long and eventful night, filled with odd thoughts, intense pain, noisy groaning patients and unwelcome nurse visits, I felt the need to emotionally offload. I finally gave up on the possibility of sleep and reached for the net-book around 6am. One visiting nurse actually had the audacity to sneeze uncontrollably several times in my direction. To my horror, she didn't even bother to wash her hands before going on to take my blood pressure (which is rather low, but I think the norm for me – I believe,

Kicking Out Time....

Breakfast was delivered at 8am, and Dehalvi came round shortly after for his morning prod and poke of Amanda.  'You can go home today.' he told her, she looked surprised.... Amanda told me she didn't really want to leave her 'boob' behind.... she didn't want to go home without it.  She had agreed for it be donated to science, to help future 'evil boobs' get back on the right track without having to be removed fully.
I'm currently sitting in the hospital chapel.....

Amanda's Recovery....

Before I hit the hay last night, at around 1am, I was ordered to have a wash in the disinfectant style shower gel provided by the hospital, 'to keep 'germs' out of the bed'..... I feared this may wake me up again, but had little to worry about, I was that shattered, that I think I was asleep before the pillow had time to recoil from whence my head landed upon it's beautiful, soft, comfortable texture.... Sleeeeeeeeep!
3am arrived with a gentle stream of texts

12.18am - Just Home....

Firstly, before I forget, again, Amanda asked anyone reading to become a follower, so we know that everyone is updated, and we don't have to worry that our friends are worrying and stressing because they have not heard from us.  I was meant to say that yesterday, and got told off for not doing so! 

I have just read all the heart warming comments, many, many thanks.  The love for my wife is tremendous, and I love that you all love her so much.  She is truly brilliant, brave and wonderful.
Her mindset this evening, once over the G.A. has been amazing.  She is in a lot of pain though.  She tried to take the leafy stalk from a strawberry and yelped,

The Operation....

15.05

They walked us through the corridors from G Ward to the operating theatre. Amanda gowned up and frightened. Me, fully clothed... and frightened, I was so nervous, I can't imagine how she felt.

It's crazy that we have to walk out through the corridors she commented, I replied that hopefully the pair of socks she was wearing, would be OK to cross the road in! She giggled.

We stood outside the blue doors, waiting to be invited in,